you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
