Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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