DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
