Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
