So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
