So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
