Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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