Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
