So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
