would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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