Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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