I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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