I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
