When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
