chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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