There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
