Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
