that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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