just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
