you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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