I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
