Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
