Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
