its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
