are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Less talking, more tequila
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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