saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
