My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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