Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize