we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
