just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize