she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
