my mouth tastes like poor choices
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
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If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Come on in and take your pants off
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