his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
