Me too!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
