I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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