I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
