We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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