I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My ass is underappreciated
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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