she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
