what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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