that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
