Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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