I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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