thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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