I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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