Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
