How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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