Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
