There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
