she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
