im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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