Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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