best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So much rum. So many feels.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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