I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.