you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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