We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my poor anus
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize