I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes