Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
