So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
then he tried to convert me to islam
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.