There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
