I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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