went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
