Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
