so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
