She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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