quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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