do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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