he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
