Where are you?
In a non slutty way
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
