I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
