if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
