The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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