but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
