somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
