whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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