sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
