I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
