I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
These tits shall not be calmed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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