doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
