I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
