I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
