Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
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Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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