Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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