Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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