you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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