My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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