May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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