wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
